Regarding September this Summer: 5 Songs Taylor Swift Should NEVER Touch

If you don’t know by now, something tragic happened in the world of music in June, 2018. Taylor Swift, who I do respect and appreciate as an artist, did the unthinkable. I have decided that she did it, not to be insulting. She did it because there must be too many Yes People around her at this point in her career.

 

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Don’t get me wrong. We all need a cheering section. Support helps you to step out on a limb and try new things.

This was different, Taylor. This was a mistake.

I never want so large of a cheering section that I am allowed to step out on the public stage and embarrass myself the way Ms. Swift just did. What did she do?

She recorded the MOST dry, emotion-less remake of the Earth Wind and Fire classic song, September.

Random Person: “Oh, Renai. You’re being too hard on Taylor.”

You are a liar and the truth is not in you.

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I am not going to attach the song to this post, primarily because I don’t want to poison or put a hex on this whole blog. I will let you do the dirty work and go to YouTube and search for Taylor Swift September.

Now I shouldn’t have to do this, but I’m going to TELL you what is wrong with the song. There are three main offenders.

  1. She starts off misquoting the lyrics. It was the TWENTY-FIRST NIGHT  of September, Tay Tay.

  2. She is so slow and sultry as she sings over a Banjo. A Banjo?

  3. THERE IS NO SOUL AT ALL WHAT SO EVER IN THIS CUT

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If Earth Wind and Fire signed off on that, their camp needs an overhaul too. The original song brings life where there is none. The intro music makes my garden grow. It would make the Pope shake his groove thing.

Taylor.

TAYLOR.

Her rendition makes me want to pre-pay for my funeral. I got my entire estate in order and signed my Will and Testament after listening to this song. So now, you’re on punishment, Taylor Swift.

What’s your punishment, for destroying one of the best, hypest, liveliest records of all times?

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You are no longer allowed freedom of choice over remakes. There are some songs I need to take out of your book of possibilities. Never shall you sing these words, not on record, not at a party, not in your shower. You’re done.

  1. We Want The Funk by Parliament – You will never tear the roof off that motha sucka.

  2. I Got The Feelin’ by James Brown- You don’t.

  3. Superstitious by Stevie Wonder- The writing is definitely on the wall, Taylor.

  4. Flashlight, hell ANYTHING by Parliament

  5. ANY SONG by Earth Wind and Fire. This is just on principle. You can’t even say the words Earth, Wind or Fire anymore. If it’s a windy day, YOU better say it’s breezy outside. If there is a Fire in your house, God forbid, just yell HELP and say it’s really hot. You can say flames, but not fire. Not ever again.

I think that I am being very lenient with your sentence. There are SO MANY more songs that I should be taking away from you as punishment for your crimes. I blame Trump for your momentary lapse in judgment, only because I blame him for most things that are wrong in the world lately.

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You may one day be able to attempt to remake something funky again. Until then, stay in your lane. Better yet, don’t even drive unless you know the terrain and are prepared to do at least the minimum speed limit.

You’ve been warned.

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