Unpopular opinion time, but it has to be said and I, Connie Troverse, am always glad to be the rabble-rouser to say it.
Kelis, Rihanna, fictional Nasir’s baby-momma from Love Is, stop putting your hands on these men.
This week, Nas released a 7-part letter to Kelis in response to the statements she has made about him being physically and verbally abusive and just not a good partner. When I heard the story from Kelis, I was ready to never listen to another Nas album ever again- not that I listen often, but If I Ruled The World is my CUT!
But then I read Nas’s Instagram and felt it necessary to write a public service announcement to my sisters.
PART 2. In life you have to work hard to be successful, not try to tear someone down for that’s the most coward way. Women are the essence of life. I cherish them. My strength is given to me from my mother. I am everything she taught me to be. I was raised in a single home by a single woman. I am a very proud black man. I shouldn’t have ignored the signs from your your first song and video I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. But I thought you was beautiful. You came into my life at a time i was grieving from my moms passing. You was a friend. Because of that i wanted to marry you. And i did. And we had a big lavish wedding. Overall there was too many good times. I have to say i wasn’t the most faithful husband. I was immature. I’m sorry about that. But you bumped your own head sis. Why do i have to live thru a constant divorce? It didn’t work out. Life goes on. I’m not coming back to you. Your married and im happy for you and I’m a extremely happy black brother out here trying to make a difference for my kids and the next generation of young people who see me as huge inspiration in music, art,business, education and so on. After 10 years of keeping my silence during a decade of dealing with very hostile behavior and verbal abuse and even your stepfather holding you back from one of your physical violent Attacks on me right outside your house THIS YEAR while trying to pick up our son while he watched from the window, it was my weekend and you denied me that because your parents were in town. I just went home. This has been my life for my son’s entire life. Even our son wonders why you treat me the way you do?
PART 4. You used to turn my phone off so my professionals couldn’t reach me and take the battery. You insulted any and everyone whoever was around me. Not a single person in my life loved or could even stand you. Luckily for you our assistants all signed NDA’s or you would have a list of men and women who would happily talk about how verbally abusive and evil you are. Your self saboteur ways has caused you your grief your dealing with. Not me. The altercations you speak of are no more different from what most normal couples go thru, but your exaggerated version is UNJUST. Whenever one is constantly attacked the instinct is to restrain that person or defend yourself to prevent escalation. In hindsight now my advice to young men out there in a situation like that is to RUN at the very first sign of verbal abuse or physical. I herd you said terrible things about me. It makes me feel sad how heartless you can be. You play with strong women’s struggles like they mean nothing. You’re taking advantage of a moment in time where women who are fighting for their lives to get justice and be treated fairly & you just looked at it as an opportunity to get ahead. Like abuse is a game? Like tearing down your son’s father is a game. You have a son! Why are you still competing with me by telling him bad things about me. Guess what sis, he has eyes and ears and smart as ever. i don’t have to say anything. I think he knows what’s really good. You will NOT stop me from fighting for my son. You tell him GOD doesn’t love his dad because his dad doesn’t goto church.
Men are taught from childhood:
You don’t hit girls.
You don’t hit women.
It doesn’t matter what they do to you. You don’t put your hands on a woman
That is true, guys. It’s true that boys should never hit girls. But are said girls taught not to hit boys? Are they taught to control their physical and verbal outbursts? Who out there believes that since he “isn’t supposed to hit you,” you can behave any old kind of way? And if he loses his mind and puts his hands on you, is he still all of the way wrong? I’m not sure that he is. Okay, he IS WRONG, but so is she.
For clarity, I do not believe it is right to hit women. No part of me thinks that is okay. HOWEVER, I also don’t think that that fact gives women the right to lay unholy hands on a man and not expect consequences and repercussions.
Chris Brown is another one…
I dismissed as an artist and stand-up human being after his physical altercation with Rihanna went public. Then I listened to his YouTube account of the situation and heard his reports of her pushing and provoking him physically. Don’t dish what you can’t take, sis. He was still wrong, but so was she.
And although Love Is displays a fictional recount of events, that scene in Love Is when Nasir’s momma, played by the amazing Loretta Divine, had to stop Nasir from putting his hands on his son’s mother after she proceeded to hit and push and muff Nasir into a closed and ready fist was extremely powerful and thought-provoking.
Oh, and if you still haven’t binged this show, you are officially sleeping! #LoveIsOwn
But I digress.
You don’t have to love me, but that doesn’t give me the right to put my hands on you. Women, keep your hands to yourself. For his safety and yours.
Connie Troverse #ISaidIt