I Can Do GOOD All By MySELF: Why you should NEVER lose yourself in love.

Cardi B and Offset made news over the weekend.

Apparently, Offset found himself messing around with someone other than his wife, and Cardi found out. They are separated and Cardi has released lyrics eluding to a future divorce.

Kulture is adorable, by the way. #ForTheKulture

But as Cardi was preparing to HEADLINE the Rolling Loud Festival, the FIRST WOMAN to ever do so, her introduction was interrupted by her husband. While Offset failed to win her back in that grand gesture of “love,” he did succeed to show the world that some things can’t be fixed by apologies. Cardi showed us something else.

Earlier this month, Kendall Jenner…

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… set her fans in a craze because she released a love letter written to her but did not divulge the author. It stated:

“Dear Kendall, We may be miles apart but my love for you grows stronger & stronger by the minute. My innermost feeling is love for you. I will love you until death separates us. Right now this separation is killing me, but in my heart I know that nothing could come close to separating us. We are united into one forever, body & soul and I want you to know that I love you from the deepest part of my heart.”

I immediately had a problem with this letter. The spirit of the letter at face value feels like TRUE LOVE. Soul mates, even. Reading deeper, it floods with an uneasy whisper of codependency.

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What is codependency?

Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs.

It is the feeling that you are nothing without a person or thing.

It is the sense that if your social media post isn’t liked, you aren’t important.

It is the message that without success and praise from someone external, you don’t have value.

Codependency in romantic relationships can leave room for mistreatment in many forms and for abuse. While Kendall’s letter was discovered to have been written by some of her photographer friends (weird much?) those of her followers who took the message to be #relationshipgoals are sadly misguided.

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Any person who claims to be nothing without you, internally is nothing with you. You can’t fill my cup. We can share in each other’s gifts and lives, but if I am nothing without you, you have a power over me that can easily be misused or abused. It is nice to feel needed, but unhealthy attachments can lead to dysfunction. You can be GOOD all by yourself.

Cardi also showed us something very important.

She demonstrated, without yelling or ranting or making a public display, that HE can take his disrespect, his too-little-too-late apology, and his ring and step. She basically said, “I love MYSELF too much to let you walk over me in this relationship. I am too important to myself for you to make me feel like anything less than that.”

Kulture’s momma don’t take no MESS.

Whether or not Cardi ultimately takes Offset back (If she does they better do some SERIOUS counseling to heal and change behaviors) she demonstrated strength. She showed us that her world does not begin and end with her man. Especially if he doesn’t know how to act.

Message (In Summary):

You can love someone without losing yourself. Uniting into one, to me, means we share each other’s lives. It does not mean we “become” each other’s lives. That difference keeps you empowered to remain an individual who is loved by your partner. It also keeps you safe in case he loses his DAMN MIND.

PEACE.

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